Truly I can somewhat relate. Being a parent I understand the frustrations that accompany parenthood. At times it feels as if your concerns fall on deaf ears and that you are simply SOME THING rather than a loving, protective parent the child runs to only when she is in need of something. But NEVER have I resorted to calling my daughter derogatory names, especially to leave it on a recording where the child is able to play it over and over again - especially an eleven year old girl, not to mention that her mind will play it over and over again. After I heard the message, I was afraid for the child. He's screaming and hollering as if she's his woman and he got stood up for a date, for goodness sake!
The last thing an impressionable minded child needs is to hear name calling and threats from a parent --- over a missed telephone call. The world and its playground of fools are primed and ready to call you, especially a female, many many terrible names -- but to have your father do it is sad. I know from experience because my daughter's father has called her names - he even called her a "nigga" once. And I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze the life out of his body. I can't believe a man would not know, would not realize the damage he is doing to his daughter's heart, soul and mind when he can't be adult enough to step back, take a breath and deal with the situation like a sane person. Being a parent is terribly difficult (but we have to remember that being a pre-teen is just as difficult).
I read on a friend's blog, his support of Alec Baldwin's comments, stating that its a family thing. Perhaps for men it is okay to call your loved ones names (or even beat them). Because it is a family thing. I've read countless articles showing women how not to berate their husbands. Yet, men can't seem to keep their playground mouths shut when it comes to wives, children, girlfriends (or female basketball teams). There are people who believe that beating your wife and calling her names is a family thing too. I don't remember my parent's ever resorting to such tactics yet I recall a time when my great-grandmother called me a "fast little heifer" because I'd stayed out too late with friends. I was eleven years old. And it was my first time out with a friend from school and her older siblings. We'd gone to a high school football game and afterwards everyone wanted to go to the school dance. I didn't want to go but didn't protest. I arrived home later than anticipated and my mother had gone looking for me. When I arrived home, I was greeted by my great-grandmother whom we called Bigmomma (and she wasn't even big). She hit me, yelled. I hit her back, not to hurt her (because the only thing that hurt was her yelling at me). My hitting her back was more out of reflex and surprise. She was shocked too and hit me again. It was the first and only time she'd ever confronted me in such a manner. Now that I'm an adult, I understand the worry and concern the adults must have experienced when I didn't arrive home at the appointed time. Not until my mother arrived home was I able to explain that it didn't dawn on me to call, I assumed she knew I was okay. And too by the time my mother arrived home, she was calm and no longer worried with fear and anger and was able to hear me.
That's why its best to calm down before you speak. I've learned to do that, because I hate apologizing (apologies are lukewarm compared to what precedes them). When you blow up -- especially over something petty - there's no taking back the damage. When you blow up over something small, when and if the big crisis happen in your child's life, she won't trust that you can handle it and help her. You can't undo what your words have done, especially when the words come with the sound of violence and a threat. If the pen is mightier than the sword --- it is the words that are the bullets.
Cuz you can't unbreak what you break
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